telemachus

Thee Things Thursday, #36

1.
Wedlock was the last thing Kathryn and I thought we'd entered. We hadn't entered a state at all. If anything, we'd broken out of states and nations and firm designs. She used to say this marriage is a movie. She didn't mean it wasn't real. The whole thing flickered. It was a series of small flickering moments. But at the same time calm and safe. A day-to-day life. Restrained, moderate. I thought if you didn't want anything, your marriage was bound to work. I thought the trouble was that everyone wanted. They wanted in different directions. Tap, coming along, reinforced the feeling that we were making it up day by day, little by little, but sanely, contentedly, with no huge self-seeking visions. (The Names, Don DeLillo)
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telemachus

Life goes on

Last night I did not wish I was dead, and tonight I do not wish it either. So that's a step.

Two nights ago I wrote an entry that, in my opinion, clearly indicated I was in some kind of pain, and I want to say Thank You to thebig41, bobby1933, and davesmusictank for taking the time to speak up. You noticed someone was hurting and you did not scroll by. That alone comforted me.
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telemachus

Three Things Thursday, #35

1)  "Unconditional love is what a child should expect from a parent even though it rarely works out that way. I didn't have that, and I was a very nervous watchful child. I was a little thug too because nobody was going to beat me up or see me cry. I couldn't relax at home, couldn't disappear into a humming space where I could be alone in the presence of the other." (Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?, p. 76)

"When love is unreliable and you are a child, you assume that it is the nature of love - its quality - to be unreliable. Children do not find fault with their parents until later. In the beginning the love you get is the love that sets.

I did not know that love could have continuity. I did not know that human love could be depended upon." (p. 76-77)
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telemachus

I miss you, weekend

Where did Sunday go? For that matter, where did the weekend go!? I need another weekend toute suite!

I kinda visited a church on Sunday. Virtually. That means I watched the livestream.

It's been approximately a decade since I last attended any kind of church service. I'd really like to find a place that reads the Bible closely and discusses it, and I'm starting to think church is not the place for that. I get that people, especially people of the cloth, want the bible to be relevant to today's realities, however, I don't think mixing in some kind of diluted self-serving pop psychology is the way to go about it. A lot of yesterday's sermon focused on "me" or "I." You can overcome fear, Jesus is with you. I'm not saying these points are wrong but where's the attention on, oh I don't know, God and the historical context of the passage and what the situation meant, or might have meant, to Jesus's followers when he walked on water. And why the dramatization? Why that sermon-y voice that swells and subsides to slow quiet talk. We, the "audience," are not five-year olds and you're not reading us a bedtime story. Just talk normally, please. So, in general, I found most, maybe all, of the service to be ridiculous. Even the ritual was not satisfying. I did not stay until the end.

Maybe the sort of bible-reading get-together that a nonreligious person would appreciate doesn't exist.
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telemachus

Keeping LJ Alive

I have no tasty morsel to offer you—no tale about a trip to the Canadian Rockies, or photos of feasting on a Breton galette in France. I haven't the money right now for such trips and, more importantly, I have no desire to go anywhere. I have settled into being in one place, and I am still. Who knows if this is a phase or something related to getting older.

I have nothing cheerful or fun to say here. And there seems to be a strong current of negative and drecky stuff in the world lately. I'm not inspired to write about it.
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telemachus

Surprising

It's rare for me to come aross a movie where physical attributes aren't a major part of a romantic relationship. That doesn't mean personality and chemistry are minor elements. It's just that usually, audiences can see why hot character X and hot character Y want to at least bed each other.

The Danish Girl surprised me. I expected a straightforward story about transgenderism, but it was so much more than that. I salute Lucinda Coxon for skillfully including submissiveness, power, parity, and other elements that live in intimate relationships and societal expectations. Beyond this, though, Coxon depicted my ideal love. The fictionalized Einar and Gerda Wegener did not exactly have an erotic romantic sort of love; it was more like love between two souls. Very pure, very romantic in my eyes. It was a love that transcends gender and body, that sees a person.
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