You are viewing e_d_young

e_d_young


In the Present Moment

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *
Several entries are friends-only. Feel free to say hello.

If you want to be ignored or banned, just insert a bunch of extraneous 'lol' in your sentences. I hate that. I'd like a Find & Replace feature that substitutes 'lol' with 'I'm a turd.'

* * *
The Question of the Day has been in the back of my mind for several days now because I can think of absolutely nothing I would want to make a comeback.  Crappy, deprived childhood?  Or am I cold?  Or did I grow up in a time when there was nothing particularly good? 
* * *
"That weapon will replace your tongue. You will learn to speak through it ..."

I find that line so fitting right now, not just because of all the attention on policemen killing unarmed individuals, but also because of the amount of gun violence that I suspect exists in American "entertainment".  Recently I watched Captain America: The Winter Soldier and was shocked by the amount of violence in it.  What's really disturbing is the nonchalance towards killing people.  It's like the solution to any kind of opposition is simply shoot or kill the person who's bothering you.  Not a good message to send.  Anyway, the line from Jarmusch's Dead Man, even if it's taken out of context, reminded me how people can resort to physical violence or aggression when they lack the ability to speak intelligibly or handle situations skillfully.  Instead of using words or intelligence, they use guns and shoot.

P.S. I had no idea Robert Redford was in Captain America and was pleasantly surprised.  His acting and the way he carried himself made all the others look like clowns, amateur novice clowns.
* * *
In the past I often watched YouTube videos or television (when I watched television) while having a light meal or several snacks during the evening. I think dinner is typically the biggest meal for many people but that way of eating doesn't suit me; I don't like feeling heavy at night. Anyway, on November 12, for no reason I can think of, I felt like watching a video, specifically, one of Oprah's interviews or conversations from her soul series or whatever it is called. Regardless of what I think of her, she's met with some interesting and insightful people, and they've been worth listening to in a leisurely way.

I was vaguely aware of Thich Nhat Hanh but never interested in hearing what he had to say. I finally watched two videos on Wednesday night and discovered the depth of my ignorance regarding this political, social, and spiritual luminary. More importantly, I felt that everything he said was correct, with the exception of birth and death. I understand what he's saying when he talks about transformation but that concept or belief is something I cannot believe like a practitioner at this time. Oh, and he mentioned Jesus Christ and the New Testament as though the scripture is an accurate or reliable account of Jesus of Nazareth. This I cannot accept, even though Jesus and the New Testament have played a hugely important part in my life and still affects me to this day.

I noticed that Thich Nhat Hanh, or Thay, is up there in years, though he looks great for his age in my opinion, and if possible, I want to see him in person before he passes on. Looking for his tour schedule on the Plum Village website I discovered an open letter to the public: "With a deep mindful breath we announce to the world the news that yesterday, the 11th of November 2014 Thay, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, experienced a severe brain hemorrhage. Thay is receiving 24 hour intensive care from specialist doctors, nurses and from his monastic disciples."

I am too late once again. It looks like I won't be able to see him or even communicate with him afterall. I turns out his health had been fragile for some time.

The fantasist in me, for lack of a better world, feels my sudden awareness of Thay is not a coincidence. The fantasist thinks something reached out to me, to like-minded persons who vibrate on a particular wavelength, and made me aware of this luminary's impending departure. Though there's nothing I can do, I've thought of him everyday and I watch for news. The fantasist also says my thoughts alone, my consciousness, make me with him. I am one of many present at his send-off and transformation. I don't know why, it's just how it is. And it's probably for my sake rather than his.
* * *
Late last night it occurred to me I had set myself up for failure on Friday (today) by overscheduling myself.  I ended up getting a lot done today and I feel okay about not getting to what I didn't get to.
Tags: ,
* * *
I know I should be writing ... I feel like writing ... but I have an inexplicable resistance, and I'm feeling slightly anxious.
* * *
The characters I've been spending an inordinate amount of time on... well, I've come to realize they won't cross the line. It's fine that they will stay close friends and not develop into anything more, but the excitement I felt for them hinged on them becoming closer and eventually, slowly, becoming lovers. Now that I don't see that happening, there's nowhere to go with them. I feel a bit deflated. And their story line is probably ... over.
Tags: ,
* * *
My heart hurts a little today.  I've been rather fixated lately on two fictional characters and I wonder if I feel a little sad because of them, now that I think I understand their dynamic a little better. In my head.  This is all taking place in my head of course.  Seems ridiculous, I know.  But I've been using one of the characters as inspiration for a ... well, let's say, an attempt at a long, original story.

I know what it is that bothers me: I feel like character A doesn't love character B.  And I love character B.  How can A not totally love and treasure B?  What makes it worse is that I suspect A actually has someone else as his BAE.  And that hurts.

As for other topics, I stopped by the NaNoWriMo website last week and visited the page for my city.  There was some shit about 'This is your Hogwarts House...'  What the fuck is that about?  I didn't know NaNoWriMo was actually for 17 year olds and twentysomethings.  I have no intention of reading any HP books.
* * *
I'm seriously tempted to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. Spurring me on is an inexplicable gut feeling. The thought of participating makes me smile and I feel excited, yet ...
Tags:
* * *
I've been watching some YouTube videos about suicide in Japan and I must say I am very thankful I live in the U.S.  I'm not picking on Japan; there are other countries I think wouldn't suit me probably, and when I say 'wouldn't suit me' I mean 'would crush me'.  Despite all the ups and downs the U.S. has gone through and continues to go through, and despite feeling like I've never really fit in here, the U.S. is probably one of the better environments for a soul like mine.  The diversity ... the space ... the land ...  Really though, I haven't spent enough time in other countries to know how well I could make it somewhere else.  But at this moment I really want to bask in this thankfulness, and I really want to remember it even though my middle-aged self doubts this feeling has staying power.  All the more reason to appreciate this feeling as thoroughly as possible in the present moment.
Tags:
* * *

Previous